The Grand Reboot of 2016: Phase III

  J   ust gotta say that I am humbled by all this, but also out of my depth. Still, the general swimming pool is not deep, and as I continue to wrap my mind around all theses multiple concepts, things will be easier to follow.

One thing I'm hearing peripherally is alarming; I had started this project with an aim to simply reset my gut bacteria, replace it with a much healthier one, and then basically continue with a sane and healthier diet, to the best of my ability.

I was naïve.

I certainly was not contemplating giving up all dairy or all wheat; that is inconceivable and so ridiculously radical that I can't do it. I won't do it.

Yet on many sides I'm assaulted with the "gluten causes inflammation" and "lactose causes bacterial overgrowth" blah blah blah. Trouble is, it's not Dr. Oz or Oprah saying these things; it's the National Institute for Health and a positive cruise ship full of respected medical researchers at the highest possible levels—now involving the US government itself—so it's not a case of "Yeah, well you can take that with several boulders of salt. Dr. Phil, bless his pointed little vacuum chamber of a head, is not a real doctor."

So these are real doctors speaking in dispassionate, medical terms, discussing things like how drinking milk causes the bacteria in your gut to go nuts and degrade the intestinal walls blah blah blah and allow "endotoxins" into your bloodstream which provokes your body's immune response.

THIS is the relevant information, and also the information that makes the most sense and explains just what these mysterious, baffling "modern" diseases like asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, and yeah, even that so-called-vegan housewives' mystery affliction, fibromyalgia (which most doctors dismiss as "all in the mind") are.

Yeah, well, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is also "all in the  mind," and you know why? Because the doctors just have no other explanation for it. Yet it undeniably exists! Thousands, if not millions of people suffer sometimes life-long conditions in which they're too tired to do anything.

Well, of course the doctors aren't going to go there, because as yet there is no pill for "Persistent musculoskeletal insufficiency with idiopathic modalities."

But back to my new worry: am I going to completely stop all sugar, wheat and dairy? Because this is what all the scientific evidence is telling me to do. And if I were some robotic reactionary, yeah, well, that is what I might be inclined to do.

But let's be sensible for a minute here; I personally am not suffering from a grave, debilitating condition like persistent and disabling fatigue that affects my daily life blah blah blah. I am not overweight.

I have completely non-serious afflictions like insomnia and mild psoriasis, with some peripheral neuropathy, tinnitus and sore joints. You might file that under the rubric "Getting Old" and you'd be right.

But is a vain attempt to turn back the clock worth dispensing of milk and sugar in my morning joe, eating vegetables wrapped in lettuce leaves instead of whole wheat pitas, or forgoing all "unhealthy" foodstuffs?

Well, of course not.

Because as a rule, my personality is yes, to overdo things (like alcohol) but also to call a spade a spade and know when I've reached the end of a particular line. But it is NOT my character to leap so far into some completely new way of thinking or behaving that I leave my brain behind.

Let me put it this way: of course, one could radicalize one's diet by completely eliminating all these so-called "inflammation-causing vectors" but the result would be that you would inevitably give up in despair and return in short order to your old bad habits.

So what is the solution? Well, for one thing, taking away all these supposedly unhealthy purveyors of sickness might alleviate all that ails you, but you'd be one miserable, colourless, boring son of a bitch at the end of it and in the long term would not be sustainable.

But what about curbing those biota-shredding bad guys to manageable levels and compensating with biota-building good guys, like massive amounts of plant fiber (that the bacteria love to feed on) ?

Not about to give it up

One approach like this would have your daily diet pretty much conforming to very low levels of wheat, dairy and sugar, BUT not discounting the occasional—read, once or twice a month—splurge with the steaks, pommes-de-terre dauphinois, melting-Madagascar-dark-chocolate-extravaganza washed down with a Cointreau-spiked café espagnole.

In other words, moderation, people, moderation.

I love my filet mignon and double bacon cheeseburger just as much as the next guy; I really do. But in my real life, I don't eat those once a week. I might eat them once or even twice, every six months (if you indulge any more than that, it's more probably a psychiatrist you need, not a dietician) but basically, just carrying on as I generally have been is a good idea.

It's what you consume day in, day out that is the big issue, not the occasional insane splurge. If you eat at fast food restaurants one or more times a week, you need to sit down and reexamine your life; you really do, because that just isn't necessary, and furthermore, it doesn't make sense.

I've gone on too long here; tomorrow will be the beginning of Phase III—The Rebuilding, in which I start all the prebiotics and probiotics, basically reconstructing my gut biota with all the stuff they love, increasing their diversity and making their lives very, very happy.

I will not accomplish this by throwing sugar at them, but instead, fiber, fiber and more fiber; not necessarily in powders, pills and potions, but in actual foods proven to be high in fiber (as yet to be determined).

Also, feed them with probiotic foods, such as kimchi and yogurt. With tons of fruits and vegetables and nuts and legumes (whatever those are).

I'll try to establish a sane, workable and tasty diet that I know I'll be able to continue without too much fussing day in, day out, without feeling deprived or hungry.

I'll continue to consume lactose, sucrose and gluten—in moderation. But to those I'll add phytochemicals, aquifers and frexnims, with maybe some Essence of Quoxitongan Fringling berries thrown in for good measure.

I can't wait for tomorrow.